Still Alive

Wow. It's been awhile. I'm still alive though. (Either that or I really am a ghost writer now.) I was cleaning out some old emails and came across one from here and suddenly remember I have a live journal.  Its 2020. Who knows what will happen next. 
  • Current Mood
    ditzy ditzy

Depression wave

I need to write this morning but I don't think that life is going to let me. I can feel my depression and my responsibilities pressing in squeezing until it is hard to breathe. I know I have probably pissed some people off lately because I haven't wanted to be social but sometimes I just need to breathe. Life doesn't let you do that, though. The more responsibilities you have, the tighter the saran wrap is wound.
I forgot about this journal for a long time. I haven't posted on my regular blog in months. I don't want to check facebook or twitter because all my friends on there seem to be doing is tearing each other down. They are so busy trying to rub someone else's face in the dirty over beliefs or politics that none of them will look up and see that they are the main attraction in a dog fight.
If I chose not to fight and keep my opinions to myself then obviously I am against whatever side of whatever conflict they are supporting. I try to keep my post neutral but keep getting jumped on about my views anyway.
*sigh* no wonder I am so down lately.

Life and changing lanes

  Boy has it been awhile since I've strolled through livejournal. I am still alive. Life has thrown some giant stumbling blocks at me from time to time, but so far I haven't recieved any permanant damage. I thought I would see if my account was still active because I bought Trigun this weekend. It had me getting lost on memory lane as I thought about conventions I've been to and the fan fiction I used to write. I miss those time. I miss the friends I used to hang out with.
  That's the thing about life. It isn't just a dirt path. It is a multi lane highway. Sometimes your friends and people you care for are right there beside you and sometimes the change lanes or get off on an exit.
Life has been changing fast recently and I guess that has reminded me of all the changes I've gone through in the years I've been breathing. There have been tons of changes. If I let myself think about the ones I've go through and then compare with the ones that are to come in the years ahead, it makes me want to dig a hole and pull it in after myself. Life doesn't always schedule changes. It likes to jump out at you with them, like bad surprise parties where everyone dresses like a clown. You are minding your own business, walk into a room and flip on the light, and then all of the people you know are disguised as Pennywise and attempting to give you heart failure.

3am musings

There is something about being awake at 3 am in the morning that makes my brain wander down paths it doesn't always follow.  A week from today I will be at a con and visiting with friends that I haven't seen in a year.  Some of them I have never actually met face to face, I've only know them via facebook.
I find myself wondering what to say to these friendly strangers.  I know them, but I don't know them at the same time.  Do I just go up and say "Hey Tom! How's the leg doing?  Did you ever fix your porch?"  Or do I start with an introduction. "Hi, I am your friend on facebook! Glad you could make it to con!"